If you are currently living in an abusive environment:

• Have friends and family stop by or check in from time to time.
• Know that abuse escalates during pregnancy. Take extra precautions to prevent getting pregnant if your partner is abusive or you believe that he may become abusive.
• You my need to make phone calls discreetly:
  • Call a neutral number after making any calls to make sure that your partner cannot discover who you have contact via redial
  • Dial *67 before making a call to keep your number hidden. This ensures that you cannot be called back unexpectedly and potentially put in danger

• It is generally unsafe to tell your abuser that you are planning to leave.
• Open a bank account in your name or in the name of a person you trust. Make sure bank statements are not mailed to the address you share with an abuser.
• Learn about digital footprints and how abusers may track your online history to monitor your plans or locations.
• Have a bag packed and hidden for quick exits.
  • You might decide to keep it at a trusted friend’s or family member’s house.
  • We have provided you with a checklist on what you might want to put in the bag.
• Take any children or pets in the house with you when you leave.

This section aims to assist those who are no longer staying in the same household as their abuser, or who are actively avoiding all interactions with him.

Your Home

• Keeping your address confidential:
  • Register for a post office mailing address for paperwork
• Motion sensors and alarm systems:
  • Install motion activated lights around your house
  • If you cannot afford an alarm system, consider placing glass bottles in front of doors and windows
  • Dogs may also act as alarm systems

Your Place of Work/School

• Options for getting to and from work or school safely:
  • Change travel route
  • Adjust work hours
  • Carpool with a trusted colleague
• Inform work supervisor or school administration about safety concerns
• Provide your work supervisor or school administration with a photo of the abuser 

Your Personal Contact Information

• Change your phone number, email address, social media handles, etc.
• Consider screening calls
• Use an anonymous voicemail message (ex. Sorry, the user with the number 123-456-7890 is not available at the moment. Please leave a message)
• Instruct companies that have information about you to use a code word as a means of restricting access to your accounts to only people who know the code word. (Ex. utilities, banking, phone companies, etc.)

Public Spaces

• Switch up frequented locations (ex. Grocery stores, walking routes)
• If you have a restraining order, keep it with you at all times
• Avoid wearing clothing that will easily identify you to someone who knows you well (ex. your favourite sweater, the same rain jacket that you’ve had for years)

There may be instances when you know that you are going to have to see your abuser face-to-face. These considerations help you to prepare for the meeting.

The Situation

• Determine Current Level of Risk: Did you have an argument recently? Is the meeting under circumstances that may trigger the abuser? Do you know if something happened in their day that may have triggered them? For example, you may have received a text from the abuser saying that he was having a terrible day at work.
• Connect with a Trusted Friend/Family Member/Agency:
  • Tell them that you will be in close contact with the abuser
  • Provide them with the location or address
  • Create a check in time with them
    • Be clear about the steps to take if you do not meet the check in time.

Plan an Escape

• Have believable reasons prepared in advance for why you need to leave the house or cannot meet.
  • If you are including someone else in this reason, be sure to inform them in advance in case the abuser follows up on your reason. (Ex. They may call the doctor to confirm you have an appointment)
• Make sure your car is ready for a quick getaway:
  • Back your car into the parking space
  • Ensure you have a full tank of gas
  • Keep the driver’s door unlocked, but all other doors locked
  • Keep a spare set of keys in the car
• Schedule a taxi for quick pick up
• Check which neighbours are home

In Case of Violence

• If you believe you are in danger, ask someone to come with you as a witness or to call for help if need be.
• Avoid wearing jewellery or scarfs around your neck
• If there is a risk of the abuser coming to your house or a previously shared house, consider moving the furniture around. The intention is to confuse the abuser and to cause him to bump into things. This will make it easier for you to know if and where he is in the house.

This section covers some considerations for your plan once you are physically near an abuser, but before escalation occurs.

• Monitor for known patterns, triggers, and/or behaviours that might indicate a potential for escalation.
• Avoid topics of contention as much as possible until you are in a safe space to have those discussions.
• Do your best to avoid being coaxed into an argument with your abuser. They may try to insult or manipulate you into retaliation.
• Do what you need to do to buy time, keep the situation calm, and to protect yourself and your children.
• Understand how technology can be used to monitor your plans, location, or online activities. See our Digital Abuse resource for more information. 

If you start noticing the warning signs of potential violence, there are some steps that you can take to keep yourself safe. However, remember that these are simply suggestions. You are the expert of your safety and you will know if these acts may cause you more harm than good. Please trust yourself and your instincts in these situations.

• Relocate to a place where you are at lower risk of getting hurt:
  • Note: Kitchens, bathrooms, and garages are more dangerous than living rooms, dining rooms, and bedrooms. This is because there are more objects available to be used as weapons in these spaces.
  • Move closer to exits
    • Position yourself in a room with access to two exits, if possible.
• Move closer to windows where you can be seen and heard from outside
• Keep your phone on you, even if it is out of sight
• Use code words to alert children/family/friends to call for help

Once your partner becomes violent, there are a few things you can do to protect yourself and to get to safety.

• Make yourself into a small target by curling into a ball with your face and and head protected by your arms.
• Make as much noise as possible (ex. set off the fire alarms, break things, scream), so that the neighbours might call the police.
• Call 9-1-1 if you can.
  • Tell them that you have been assaulted by a man (avoid telling them it is your husband or partner)

After you have escaped, the police have arrived, or the abuser has left the scene, consider these next steps for your safety plan.

• Get to a safe location: Have the location decided on in advance for a quick escape 
• Go to the hospital: Have the doctor document your visit as a means of compiling evidence of physical abuse.
• Keep your own record of violence:
  • Dates, times, locations, witnesses.
  • Take photos of any evidence of abuse.
  • If officers are involved, get their badge numbers/business cards. 
• Reach out: Get in touch with your support person/trusted person/trusted agency. Remember that if you feel like you don’t have anyone to call, that you always have us. We believe you and we want to help you live free from violence.
• Prioritize your wellness: Take time to check in with yourself and your children. Eat something nutritious, get some much needed rest, schedule time to connect with doctors or mental health professionals, etc.